Angel Babies: Surviving Miscarriage

Surviving Miscarriage

So many women experience the heartbreak of miscarriage, and yet so few of us actually talk about it. If you have been there, we want you to know you are not alone.


by Devan McGuinness-Snider

Motherhood was supposed to come easy to me. It was my plan to be a mother since I was 5 years old and had it published in my yearbook when i was in kindergarten. It was my dream.

Never did i think the path to motherhood would be the most painful, lonely journey i had ever been on. That i would have to fight, struggle to breathe, be picked up off the floor but come back from it all with 3 healthy and beautiful children.

I have had 10 miscarriages. In 6 years.

Honestly, it is still a bit of a blur to me. I never gave myself the permission or time to grieve. I was focused on having full term, healthy children and to figure out how to make that happen. I was on a mission. I pushed past the pain.

Avoided it. Ignored it.

It has been almost 2 years since my last loss. I am still daily dealing with the pain and loss and I have learned a lot through this journey. One of the biggest things I learned is miscarriage is not talked about a lot. It seems to be some sort of secret. Like some unspoken rule in society that miscarriage or baby loss are not to be talked about,pushed under the rug. I can understand because it is painful, but why does this grief have to be hidden?

It is real. It is painful.

Not talking about it and not having anyone to turn to made me feel quite isolated. Alone. I felt like I had to hide my grief because it didn’t seem acceptable to people. To be sad about someone ‘I’ve never met’. I was under the impression people expected me to ‘get over it’ quickly.

I couldn’t. I can’t.

It is getting better. Not every day or week is an emotional one. There are some times in the year that will always be painful for me and I take note of those dates and prepare myself for them. Due dates, delivery dates, test dates are always difficult for me. Sometimes there is no trigger or date that will bring up the grief, it just happens. I allow myself to feel it and give myself that time. I also have amazing support. My husband is right in this with me and held me and cried with me and gives me this time.

I am healing. On my own time.

If you have been through a miscarriage I am so sorry for your loss. Please take time to heal and grieve and be patient with yourself. There is no right amount of time and there is no wrong amount of time. Find someone you trust to talk to and ask for help if you need it.

 

Devan McGuinness-Snider is the author of the popular Accustomed Chaos blog, and mother to 3 children. She has been nominated in Family & Parenting, Health & Wellness and Food & Drink Categories for the 2010 Canadian Weblog Awards and is also a nominee for Best New Blog by the 2010 Canadian Blog Awards.

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I founded Mums 'n Chums in 2009 after realizing that the area I live in was drastically underserviced as compared to surrounding areas for support and activities for growing families. Mums 'n Chums grew popular very quickly and I have been dedicated to nurturing that growth through frequent networking, social media engagement and in person meetups. By the end of its first year, Mums 'n Chums had close to 500 members and was receiving regular inquiries from fans outside of its service area, asking when we would be expanding to serve them as well. After much careful research and polling, I expanded the site in May of 2011 to cover the entire North end of the GTA (from Cambridge to Markham), areas I believe are still receiving far less attention than they deserve from other sites and family services. We also changed the focus from small scale local mom and tot meetups to more of an informative purpose, closing down our forum and adding several talented contributors to the blog. We do still offer several large scale family events per year, such as our popular Birthday Bash events and our Holiday Bash in December. Our contests have also become a member favourite, and we strive to offer amazing prizes from trusted brands like Babies R Us, La Roche Posay, Johnson's Baby and many more. In March of 2016, after months of work spent migrating all of the site's content to a new platform, Mums 'n Chums re-launched with its fresh, new look. The changes and expansion have proven a great success and we're still getting inquiries from several other cities within the Greater Toronto Area, whom we have decided to serve as well. I have built this site and its' reputation carefully and look forward to continuing its growth!