Funny Mummy: July 2013: BBQ Me Up

Funny Mummy by Kathy Buckworth: BBQ Me Up

One of the great things about barbecuing is that it is normally relatively easy to suck the man of the house into actually cooking.


By: Kathy Buckworth

Something to do with an open flame and the inherent explosive danger proves irresistible to these gullible fellows. Of course, the big downside is because they have spent a good twenty minutes searing a steak, they expect to get the credit for the entire meal, which, by the way, consists of salad, potatoes, fruit and dessert, all of which has taken you about two hours to complete. It’s okay, we can let them have this. The barbequing gets them out of the kitchen, into the backyard, and out of our hair.

Personally, I try to find additional things for my husband to do while in the backyard manning the grill—including garbage clean up, putting the hose away, backwashing the pool, installing some fencing…. Be creative and see how far it takes you. It is important, however, to make sure that hubby isn’t so distracted by these secondary activities that he forgets the meat on the barbecue itself. I learned this the hard way during an unfortunate oak plank flaming beef episode. Remember these are men; not universally known for their multi-tasking skill set.

Also, be prepared for the following conversation:

Him: Okay, honey, so I’ll take care of dinner tonight. I picked up some steaks.

Me: Great. So what are we having with them?

Him: Potatoes and corn.

Me: You have that?

Him: We always have potatoes and corn in the house. (Sadly, we do.)

Me: Okay, whatever.

Him: Right then, I’m starting up the barbecue.

Me: Yeah, listen, I only need about an hour to get the other stuff ready. You might want to wait.

Him: (Gone outside.)

Me: *%^&*’ng idiot.

Him: I’m ready for those steaks now.

Me: Fabulous. Hope they need about forty-five minutes on the barbecue because that’s how long the rest of the dinner is going to take. Hey, who’s setting the table?

Him: (Back outside again, stopping only to grab a beer out of the fridge.)

Me: %^$&#*’ng idiot. Kids, get in here and set the table and help me husk the corn!

Him: Okay, we’re almost done.

Me: Stupendous. Just cut my finger with a knife while trying to peel the potatoes because your idiot son used the potato peeler to whittle a stick last week. Oh, yeah. The corn is still hard and we’ve only found four forks.

Him: (Gone. The sound of a beer cap twisting can be heard from the deck.)

Me: &$#’ng idiot. Ouch. Crap. Damn.

Him: And we’re ready. Kids, dinner!

Me: What the hell are you doing? The potatoes are half raw, the water for the corn hasn’t boiled yet and I’m still on hold with Telehealth to see about this red line that’s travelling up my arm from the cut on my finger.

Him: Mmmmmm. Now that’s a steak. Your Dad knows how to cook, eh guys?

If you plan to go the barbequing route during the week, you might want to make sure you have bagged salad, frozen French fries, or other “ready in an instant” side dishes in the fridge or freezer. As an alternative, you can also practice counting to ten. Whatever works for you.

 


Excerpted with permission from Kathy Buckworth’s “Shut Up and Eat! Tales of Chicken, Children and Chardonnay”, Key Porter Books, 2010. Available at bookstores everywhere, online at Kobo and now on Audible.com


About the Author

Kathy BuckworthPhoto by CL Buchanan Photography

Kathy Buckworth is an award winning writer, public speaker, and television personality. She is the author of five books, including “The BlackBerry Diaries: Adventures in Modern Motherhood” and her latest, “Shut Up and Eat:Tales of Chicken, Children & Chardonnay”. She is a feature writer for Sympatico.ca in their parenting, travel, and auto sections, and is also a columnist for ParentsCanada, Womens Post, Ottawa Families, Dabble Magazine, and GoodLife. She also regularly contributes to national magazines such as Canadian Families, Disney Playhouse, and Oh Baby. Her monthly “Funny Mummy” column appears on 25+ websites across North America. She is a parenting correspondent for CTVNewsChannel, and appears on shows such as CityLine and The Marilyn Denis Show.

Kathy is the only two time winner of the Professional Writers Association of Canada Award for Excellence in Humour, and is the 2010 recipient of the Mississauga Arts Award for Established Literary Arts. She is the Managing Director of 4WordsComm.com and has over 18 years of corporate marketing experience, with CIBC, Royal Bank, Telus and Coca Cola Foods. She has acted as corporate/media spokesperson/social media consultant for blue chip companies such as Procter & Gamble, Research In Motion, Presidents Choice Financial and LeapFrog Toys. Visit www.kathybuckworth.com or follow along at www.twitter.com/kathybuckworth

Kathy Buckworth Award winning author, I Am So The Boss Of You, Shut Up & Eat, The BlackBerryDiaries Feature writer Sympatico.ca, (Travel, Parenting, Auto) Columnist for ParentsCanada, Dabble, GoodLife, DisneyJunior Blogger for Huffington Post Canada, Funny Mummy Syndicated Column CTV NewsChannel, CityLine Contributor.

 

Written By

Kathy Buckworth is an award winning writer, public speaker, and television personality. She is the author of six books, including “I Am So The Boss of You: An 8 Step Guide to Giving Your Family The Business” (Random House). Warner Brothers Television has purchased the rights for this book. Her books have been translated into Chinese, Indonesian and other languages, and are available on Audible.com and wherever books are sold. She is a columnist with Post City Magazines and contributes to the Metro News, Autofocus.ca, the Huffington Post, Zoomer Magazine, ParentsCanada, Canadian Living, the Travel Channel and GoodLife. She is the writer and host of the FamilyFocus series, and was a regular guest expert on CBC’s Steven and Chris, a regular contributor to the CTV Canada AM Parenting Panel, as well as appearing regularly on Breakfast Television, CanadaAM and CBC radio. She also delivers a bi-monthly travel segment (How She Travels) on Sirius/XM Canada Talks highly rated “What She Said” show. Kathy is a two time winner of the Professional Writers Association of Canada Award for Excellence in Humour, and is the recipient of the Mississauga Arts Award for Established Literary Arts. She was recently announced as one of Canada’s Favourite Moms by Canadian Living Magazine, and recognized by the Huffington Post as a top parenting Tweeter to follow. She has over 18 years of corporate marketing experience, with CIBC, Royal Bank, Telus and Coca Cola Foods. She is the Chief Family Advisor for Presidents Choice Financial and PCPlus, and has also acted as corporate/media spokesperson/social media consultant for many other companies such as Procter & Gamble, Maple Leaf Foods, Research In Motion, Pfizer and LeapFrog Toys. Kathy serves on the board of the Toronto Symphony Volunteer Committee, as their public relations advisor. She lives with her material (four kids) and husband (more material) in the Toronto area. She is a member of the Professional Writers Association of Canada, the Writers Union of Canada, the American Society of Journalists and Authors, and the Travel Media Association of Canada.

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