On Morning Sickness and the Rest of My Life

Morning sickness

In a moment of doubt and self-pity, something both simple and complicated occurred to me and I felt it should be shared.

I wrote this whilst in the throes of the most intense “morning” (ha!) sickness I have ever experienced. I wrote it because while flopped over on the floor in front of the bathroom waiting for the inevitable, I had a crazy thought.

This is the hardest thing I have EVER done.

And of course, it isn’t. It just felt that way. I know because I’ve already been here, in the exact same spot. In the exact same position. Thinking the exact same thing.

And I have thought it many times since.

Like during all 30 hours of my first child’s labour. During all 3 hours of fruitless pushing. When they told me he was stuck and I required an emergency c-section. That was the hardest thing I had ever done. For a while. Until he was 5 months old and still hadn’t gone a single night without waking every 15 minutes. And I lay on the floor beside his crib, not wanting to bother going back to bed. Surely that was the hardest. Wrong again.

There were terrible twos and eye teeth and potty training and the miscarriage I had before this current pregnancy. All difficult. But still not the hardest.

I know because as hard as those things were, I’ve yet to experience the first day of school. And the first day my child comes home with a black eye from the bully down the street. The first time he drives off in my car for a night out with his buddies. I know that it will never really end.

The rest of my life is going to be hardest thing I’ve ever done. Only to be outdone by the next thing, and the next, as it is for all mothers.

So, are we nuts? Gluttons for punishment? Stubbornly seeking ever-elusive glory? No. I sat there, hunched over on the floor, trying to figure it out. And eventually it came to me.

Paradoxically, this “hardest thing I’ve ever done” is also the easiest. Easy because although I know what’s coming I plow through it anyway. Willingly, even.

Easy because it stems from love. Love that is immeasurable, inexplicable and powerful; far more powerful than this temporary bout of nausea. It comes so naturally I don’t think anything is this world could be more precious or more pure, and I own it. And it owns me. And that’s the rest of my life in a nutshell, because I am a mother.

So bring it on– all the excruciating, beautiful things that are to come. I’m ready. Bring on the ice chips and the arrowroots, the sleepless nights and the tears. I’m willing.

Although I sometimes have these weak little moments (who doesn’t, anyway?), I’m also very able.
By Sara

Tags from the story
Written By

I founded Mums 'n Chums in 2009 after realizing that the area I live in was drastically underserviced as compared to surrounding areas for support and activities for growing families. Mums 'n Chums grew popular very quickly and I have been dedicated to nurturing that growth through frequent networking, social media engagement and in person meetups. By the end of its first year, Mums 'n Chums had close to 500 members and was receiving regular inquiries from fans outside of its service area, asking when we would be expanding to serve them as well. After much careful research and polling, I expanded the site in May of 2011 to cover the entire North end of the GTA (from Cambridge to Markham), areas I believe are still receiving far less attention than they deserve from other sites and family services. We also changed the focus from small scale local mom and tot meetups to more of an informative purpose, closing down our forum and adding several talented contributors to the blog. We do still offer several large scale family events per year, such as our popular Birthday Bash events and our Holiday Bash in December. Our contests have also become a member favourite, and we strive to offer amazing prizes from trusted brands like Babies R Us, La Roche Posay, Johnson's Baby and many more. In March of 2016, after months of work spent migrating all of the site's content to a new platform, Mums 'n Chums re-launched with its fresh, new look. The changes and expansion have proven a great success and we're still getting inquiries from several other cities within the Greater Toronto Area, whom we have decided to serve as well. I have built this site and its' reputation carefully and look forward to continuing its growth!